yummy

I dont mean to brag ... but holy cow ... my diet has been amazing this week! i have been very strict ... even turning b's sister down for ice cream more than once! so proud! i feel like if i stay like this my goal is finally attainable ... and i have no desire to deviate from this routine! so excited!

so i found these amazing little cups of deliciousness:

This raspberry flavor only has 110 calories (in the baby serving cup they sell ... only a dollar at wal-mart!) and 6 ingredients. I tried it once and now i am hooked! i wish that i could quit sugar cold turkey ... but these are helping me ween off! and MAN they are stinking YUMMY!!!! try them ... i dare you!

samesys ...

i weigh the same ... which isnt gaining ... B gained two pounds this week ... haha ... at least i didnt do that! wow ... im rude! love you B! so ill take it ... and learn to do better next week

I am so sick of saying that i have to buckle down and not actually do it ... all talk ... no walk ... so im not going to say anything this week about being better ... im just gonna do it ... and if i dont then i wont feel like i failed and end up eating a bowl of cap'n crunch oops all berries at 11:56 at night! (did i mention thats what im doing right now??)

i think i am a food addict.

ok ... tonight i am bored with this ... goodnight!

Bad News ...

I ... Gained ... Two ... Pounds ... Back at 155 ... however ... i took this weight without eating anything ... who knows what it is tonight ... but i refuse to look!

This post was started on sunday ... i need to get better about writing every two days or something ... i will work on it! there are so many new developments! This will be a long post ... but i would rather get it all over with than stretch it to multiple blog posts! (the last bullet point is where i need the help ... if you want you can skip down ... i wont be offended!)


- I finished the jillian michaels cleanse and burn ... if you dont plan on changing your diet dont even try to use it. Even though it clearly says that these are the pills that you dont have to change your diet with ... you need to change your diet. I think that it had the adverse effect of me because i refused to fully change my diet. i topped out a t 162 the week of the cleanse ... and then 163 the week of the burn. My stomach was always angry with me no matter which pill i was taking. The cleanse seemed to work ... i mean ... i pooped ... a lot ... but the burn just made my tummy angry! I think that people who rely on diet pills to change their life dont realize that they actually have to change their life for them to work ... and so the pills arent working and they just move from pill to pill trying to find one that works. But with all pills the answer is the same ... with diet and exercise you will see results. However, people dont take into consideration that with diet and exercise alone you will see results. I guess that is one thing that this cleanse and burn did for me ... it made me realize that i needed to change my lifestyle to see the change i desire. Now if only i can convince my dad that he doesnt need them either ... (i love you daddy!)

-I hurt my wrist ... now this was done over a month and a half ago ... most of you can see the picture on my facebook of how it looked. It wasnt broken, i could feel that, so i waited a week and a half to go to the doctors (i wanted to make sure that there was something wrong). I left the instacare with brace in hand told that nothing was broken (four x-rays) and told that if it was still swollen in a month i needed to go see an orthopedic specialist. a month came and went ... it was still sore ... still swollen ... but i didnt see an orthopedic guy ... instead i went to my family doctor because i was in need of a new inhaler. He also took a couple x-rays of my arm and told me that since it was still sore and swollen, and that the date of the injury was so far back that i really needed to see that dang orthopedic doctor. so, this past monday that is where i found myself. apparently the wrist is made up of a lot of small little bones and between these bones are ligaments. these ligaments should be holding the bones less than a millimeter apart ... well ... one of my ligaments isnt doing that. apparently to know that a ligament is for sure torn there is a gap of 3 millimeters ... the gap between mine is 2.1 millimeters ... What the good ol' doc said to do in this situation (not knowing if its completely torn or if its a partial tear) is that i had two options (of course). I could either put my arm in a cast for three weeks taking a heavy dose of anti-inflammatory medicine .. or i could get an MRI now to see if it is torn or not. However, no matter which one i chose it would ultimately end up with the other. I wear the cast for three weeks and its still sore at the end then i need an MRI and possibly surgery ... if i get an MRI they see how it is the put me in a cast for three weeks to see if it heals itself if it doesnt i then get surgery. nice options right ... being the poor college student that i am ... i went with the cast ... Thank goodness though ... with my intense fear of negative smells i was able to talk him out of giving me a cast by promising to wear my brace ... which i get to take off for showering purposes ... in which case i can also clean it! so lets hope it heals itself these three weeks! I am still able to exercise ... but cardio and legs only ... which is a terrible travesty because the place of my body that i really need to work on in my arms ... they are HUGE! its only three weeks right...

- Wow this is a long post ... ill make this one fast then ... I need to be more strict on my diet ... i give in way too many nights to my sugar or salt craving. first i decided that i wanted to plan my menus out for the week ... but then i realized how picky i am and if i dont feel like something i planned earlier in the week i will just eat something different ... so i am in the process of making four different menus ... breakfast ... lunch ... dinner ... snacks ... each of them with only healthy options on them so that i am able to pick from the lists everyday as to what i can eat ... if its not on the list then i cant eat it. So where you all come in is that i need some more healthy options to put on my menus ... preferably quick and easy ... but anything will work! please and thank you!

Ok ... now this incredibly long post is over!

OH! P.S. Thanks to everyone who encouraged me to workout yesterday on facebook ... you guys rock! i really did feel better! It is really nice that i have people encouraging me ... really helps motivate me!

the past couple of days ...

I know ... I know ... im already terrible at keeping up ... however ... how many people want to read about someones day by day workout or eating habit? honestly ... a blog without pictures is one i skip over ... so at least i can try to make this more entertaining by clumping some days together!

let me please start by talking about sunday ... it was a good day ... and not just because of church ... i didnt weigh in until later in the day (remember im in a weight loss challenge ... we weigh in every sunday ... if we lose we dont owe money ... gain we owe two dollars ... stay the same we owe one dollar) ... even with the added water weight and food intake i still lost two pounds!!!! i am officially down to 153 (i started the challenge at 158)! It was really exciting because i thought that i was gonna be up! this sunday is going to be a challenge because of all the cake i am eating for my birthday and b's (boyfriends) daughters birthday. we shall see!

however, even with it being my birthday this week i have been pleasantly surprised at my eating habits ... i have been really good this whole week ... its really motivating actually ... that i can go a couple of days without sugar and not go through withdrawls. even going and working out today ... im starting this new year out right ... this is my new year ... the year that i will reach my goal!

A Poem ...

So my computer crashed ... luckily that is what boyfriend does for a living ... fixing computers ... or something like that ... all i know is that he is really good at it. however, in order to save my computers life he needs to "crash" it ... that would mean i would lose everything ... so he saved them for me ... and then he left me his computer so that i can use it ... he is too good for me.

Anyway! i was looking for my resume through my things that he saved that i havent seen in a very long time ... but as i was looking for my resume i stumbled across a bunch of old poetry that i wrote ... and i found this one ... this is one that i wrote when i was heavy ... you can see how unhappy i was ... and why i have to change it now ... here it is ... p.s. its not meant to be depressing ... its meant to be motivational! (the look of it matters ... but it didnt transfer properly ... so just go with it)


She Slouches

Although her acid washed
boot cut jeans may
be a bit too big. That
does not stop her moun
-tainous stomach from rolling
over top of them. Combined with
her breast her obesely curvaceous
profile only found in a hikers dream.
Her shirts too tight emphasizing the rolling
hills. Arms of a body builder with one millionth
the muscle. Pressed tightly against the voluptuous
side creating the appearance that a small dog could be
smuggled within her pit. Bones cannot be found, not even
at the elbows and knees. Red dots create patterns on her face,
whole constellations can be found, why no makeup, heaven and
her only know. A double chin eats at her face, threatening a third.
Greasy hair squashed down around her head, peeking feathers Thro
-ugh a hat. Sad green eyes are all the evidence of the beauty she used to
be, that she could have been. And yet she slouches as if she doesn’t care.
She feels their laughs and sees their stare; and yet her slouch stays.

fridays are fun!

My eating today has been fantastic! as was the rest of yesterday ... proud of myself? yes! food is my weakness ... always has been. my mom too ... she has always told me that she is a food addict ... in fact i have seen her myself eat her way through a box of a dozen krispy kreme donuts (which sound so good right now! ah!).

so even though the eating has been good i have yet to go to the gym today ... though ... i have been dressed in my workout clothes since ten this morning. maybe its just that i am just subconsciously waiting for boyfriends sister ... but maybe i should just go ... but it is a friday ... but i dont have anything to do (boyfriend is working) ... hmmmmm ... just do it right ... just do it ...

on a random note ... i got checked out last night ... that always makes me feel good :) ... makes me want to finish my goal ... i will one day ... i will!

Pictures ... Me Thin ... Me Fat ... Me Now ... WARNING: some of these arent pretty!