This is the start of it ... or the middle ... however you want to look at it. But whether or not it is the middle or the beginning or even the end, it is an endless journey ... an endless struggle. weight is all around us ... personal trainers on tv shows telling us what to do ... heavy people ... thin people ... celebrities that weigh a lot less than they should, yet they set the standard for what we should look like. Oh, did i mention that my mom is an aerobic instructor ... and that she has a very blunt mouth ... not a good combination when you are the large child. I dont say fat because i am not fat ... i used to be fat ... what i considered fat ... but im not fat.
I wasnt the thinnest girl in high school ... but i wasnt heavy ... i looked good ... athletic ... never did i look heavy ... but never was i confident enough to wear a bikini. It started when i first got into college ... the freshman fifteen is what it is called. but that was easy to lose once i got home to mommy in the summer. But then i got married ... married at nineteen ... to someone abusive ... not physically (not until the end) ... but someone who controlled every aspect of my life. with this depression set in ... with depression came eating ... with eating came weight gain. At my biggest i tipped the scale at 175 ... i know that that isnt huge ... but take into account that i only stand at five feet two inches. according to my BMI i was obese. i stayed that way for about a year and a half ... then i got a new job ... one that wasnt a manager job ... in fact it was as low on the totem pole as you can get ... a night housekeeping job ... dramatic change ... but it was what i needed. The people i met there helped me through one of the hardest times in my life... helped me revive my happiness. the movement helped me lose weight. twenty five pounds in one month. and that is where my journey started. a year and a half ago today (give or take a couple of weeks). But i have found that since then i have been stuck ... my weight fluctuates from 150 to 165 on a weekly basis ... i am stuck ... for a year and a half ... stuck ... i dont know whether it is lack of motivation ... lack of drive ... but i hope by starting this blog i can help motivate myself ... hold myself accountable ... because i know that no one will read this ... maybe my mom ... but that it will motivate me to stay on track. hoping that if someone does read this then i will be too scared to let people down. Oh ... and i want to wear a bikini this summer ...
Two days ago i started the jillian michaels 14 day cleanse and burn ... i hoped that it would help to jump start me to get out of this rut that i am in. I am also in a family biggest loser. you see ... i have a new boyfriend and almost all of the family members he lives with complains that they want to lose weight ... so we started our very own biggest loser. its been going for about a month now ... and i still havent broken my 150 barrier ... it has to be for lack of motivation ... i dont go to the gym like i should ... i eat crappy ... and the only way i have been losing weight is because i have been relying on my fluctuations alone. thats why i think i need that jump start ... and apparently i get to eat whatever i want on this cleanse thing ... but i dont want to do that ... monday was great ... i ate healthy ... tuesday was a wreck ... stress crashed down and i ate ... and ate ... and ate ... no workout ... no nothing ... but movies and food ... bad day. today needs to be better ... all i have eaten today was a slimfast shake ... and as soon as this is done i am heading to the gym. One thing i did do on monday that i refuse to do today was i went to 7 eleven at midnight for steamed milk and a candy bar ... ewww ... i wont do that today.
and so it begins ... my motivation ... lets hope that this helps ... that i keep it up ... keep me strong. i want a bikini ...
I will post pictures soon ... but this post is too long.
I read it!! And will keep reading! I too am a fan of the Biggest Loser. I think it is very motivating, even for people who are not morbidly obese, obese, or even chunky. I agree with you that if you have people to be accountable to you are less likely to slip up. I gained a "happy" 50 lbs my first 3 years of marriage, and ballooned to 181! when I finally decided enough was enough, I lost more weight than I thought possible...60 lbs! You can do it too my friend. I'll be checking up on you ;) Good luck!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Amy! Nice blog. I've found something that motivates me and maybe it will help you. The beginning of last year I was diagnosed with Fatty Liver. That can cause cirrohis of the liver which can lead to death. My Dr. told me that it happened because I gained the weight too fast. He said I had to lose it and gave me 6 months. I started exercising, kettlebells, the gym. I lost 36 lbs and then Grandma died and I went off everything for 2 months. Still I should have lost a lot more then I did. Motivation was bad. Then Aunt Beth asked me to do a triathlon this summer with her. I didn't even think about it and I said yes. So now I'm training for a tri. I'm not just trying to make the scale go down and I'm not thinking about my liver. Instead I'm training for a tri and thinking about how I want to finish it. So it may help to change your motivation from just weight loss to an event. Have you done a 5K? or a 10K?
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))
Aunt Mary
Amy! I have just found your blog and I'm shocked to hear everything you have gone through. I haven't been great at keeping in touch, but I often think about our poetry class and what a good time we all had. :) I want to wish you good luck with your fitness goals. I want to lose about 20 pounds and train for a race, so maybe we can motivate each other! I'll keep reading your blog if you'll stop by mine sometime.
ReplyDeleteI am still working on another 15--the hardest ones to lose!
ReplyDeleteI will definitely be a cheerleader!
Good luck.
ps-it was so great to see you on Friday night!
I'm cheering for you, Amy! You can do it! You are amazing and I have always loved and admired you. You are beautiful no matter what you weigh and thank you for always being my friend! I'm so happy for your happiness and I can't wait to see you again! Good luck with losing weight!
ReplyDeleteI'm cheering for you, Amy! You can do it! You are amazing and I have always loved and admired you. You are beautiful no matter what you weigh and thank you for always being my friend! I'm so happy for your happiness and I can't wait to see you again! Good luck with losing weight!
ReplyDeleteP.s. Kaity-jo is me...I'm not sure why it posted twice, sorry! Now you have 3 posts from me!
ReplyDelete